Why I hate my boyfriend…….

It has become very complicated over the past year.

We have been together for 2.5 years, and in the past 10 months….things have become more tense. In the past 10 months, we have had GOOD sex about 4 out of the 6 times we have had sex.

I feel duped! When we first got together, he bragged about how he enjoyed communicating, how he loved to try new things, how he loved being sensual and romantic…blah blah blah. He used to help do the laundry and cleaning around the house when we first moved in together, we even slept in the same bed without him complaining about my snoring or my hogging of the covers.

I feel like I have been lied to! He takes medication for his Bipolar disorder, but the only why I know that is because I would sneak and write down all the names of the prescriptions and look it up on web-MD. He doesn’t talk to me about anything that is stressing him out, yet takes it out on me. If his decisions didn’t effect me, I wouldn’t have a problem but when we get a knock at the door, and its someone handing you a “Notice of Foreclosure” and you don’t tell me when I live in the same home with you…….That REALLY pisses me of, because you jeopardize me, my daughter and my fucking dog! Then you want to get mad because I looked to see what this “paperwork” was…um HELL-FUCKING-O!!!

I can’t remember when we actually did something fun together, we have dinner at the same restaurants every-time we decide to go out to eat…so much for trying new things right?

He is “still in love with me, and wants to be with me,”- his words…but I feel like I have a shitty roommate at this point. We haven’t slept in the same bed since……the summer I think.Doesn’t that give mixed messages?

He complains I am not supportive….how can I be supportive, when I don’t know what the fucking problem is! I mean really…..Men, if your girlfriend always said nothing is wrong and doesn’t want to talk about what is troubling her…..then she complains that you aren’t being supportive, wouldn’t that confuse you?

 I love him…but my feelings are slowly changing. I feel numb when he touches me, and that is IF he touches me. I have not changed at all since we first started dating, yet he has done a full 360. I have done my investigating : checking his email, text messages, phone records…and he isn’t cheating or seeing someone else. I understand the stress, yet that is no excuse to treat me like I don’t fucking exist when I am not the cause for your stress.

I am just really frustrated at this point, and I don’t know what to do. I expressed how I felt months ago, yet nothing has changed…but being that I am not the nagging type and I hate arguing, I refuse to bring it up to him again, and I act as if nothing is wrong with our relationship, because if I talk about it…I am ” Being dramatic and sensitive,” which is bullshit because I hardly ever bring it up…and I don’t get emotional talking about it.

I thought my previous relationships where bullshit…but it seems like the more I put into a relationship….the less I get back….I don’t understand it, I always end up with the shit bags for a boyfriend. I am confident and I carry myself with respect, I don’t nag and complain all the time, I am a very encouraging person, I am very attractive, I work and go to school, I am a good mother, I am very compassionate and care about other people and do what I can to help the less fortunate………so why do I keep getting the short end of the stick??? I’m not into the whole ” good girl, bad guy” thing, so I don’t know what the deal is.

I guess now is a great time to become celibate, and be single…because it looks like thats all that is in my future for the relationship bit.